Living Differently: Thoughts on Letting Go of the Way it Was
My family spent Sunday mornings at an Anglican church nearby my Grandma’s house in a quiet north-end community in Regina. I went to the basement for Sunday School. It was pretty fun because I liked stories, singing, and crafts. But when my older brothers became teenagers, I think the physical and emotional energy required to get dressed and out the door managed to outweigh the benefits.
It’s not that my parents became less religious. The investment required in being good parents left no space for Church. The way they think and act didn’t change. They didn’t become different people. They just needed to make a decision to ensure the health and wellness of their family. They had three boys and each of us was, in our own way, demanding.
We used to go to Church on Sundays. Then we stopped for a while. Our family responded to the way things are — by letting go of the way it was.
Had we insisted on going to Church every Sunday, there may have been fights over it. Actually there may have been little family fights about it that I didn’t even notice because I was reading an Archie comic.
My parents are not atheists. They are both Christians and if not for the pandemic they would both be in Church every Sunday. They had to make a tough decision so they did it. This is letting go of the way it was.
Loyalty to family and friends is one of the greatest virtues. But loyalty to ideas and ideologies is increasingly difficult on planet that is changing so fast. Humans have succeeded as a species mostly because of successful adaption. Our conditions change, so we change. When we refuse, for whatever reason, to adapt to changing conditions it creates tension. A kind of friction. You can feel it in family dynamics whenever people are being pulled along somewhat against their will. Loyalty always asks for a line in the sand.
The pandemic has managed to expose and intensify so many of the contradictions and tensions on the planet. But one of the most obvious is this desperate clinging to “when things get back to normal.” Grasping to some illusion of normalcy during a pandemic is wanting things to be like they were. It is an angry father banging on doors and demanding that everyone get up, get dressed, and go to church. Wanting things to get back to normal is a fear of the future so severe that we are willing to completely deny the present.
The future is scary. So many bad scenarios. Civil wars. Lockdowns. Climate crisis. What if the vaccinations don’t work as planned? What if the virus continues to mutate? I understanding that impulse toward closing your eyes and pretending it will all just go away. But what if the thing you fear does not go away? For how long will you cling to the past?
Letting go of the way it was can be painful. So much of our identity is wrapped up in the way it was.
But things are not that way anymore.
Letting go of the way it was is the only way to successfully adapt to the way things are now. And our best hope at a better future is to successfully adapt to our present.
To conclude, a kind of thought practice/real world suggestion to accompany the above essay:
What would you do today if you found out that the way the world is now will not change for the next 80 years? For the rest of your lifetime and beyond daily vigilance against disease will be the norm. How would that knowledge affect how you live your life today?
Just to be clear: I am not predicting nor am I wishing for this to be the case. I just want you to consider that you may have put your life on pause. You may be living every day waiting for things to get back to normal. I am suggesting that we stop waiting and start living differently.
